Lernin.

I'm learning a lot today. It might not be detailed information on proper piercing procedure, but I'm finding consolation in the notion that at the end of the day, I'll file this particular lesson under the category of "How To Interact With Idiot Customers."

Idiot customers are frequently a problem at our shop. We see a lot of people who are interested in lookin' supafly, who absolutely need to tell us about the infection that "just popped up" after piercing their navels with a sewing needle in their mother's bathroom, or who painted their jeans onto their bulbous, gargantuan thighs this morning.


Today, a customer was trying to tell me about jewelry she used to wear in her nostril. I can't recall exactly what she said, but it was something like this.

Me: Why did you take your nostril ring out before?
Her: Yo, that shit was diesel and all rinky dinky and shit. Word.
Me: ...Oh. That isn't a good reason.

I'm a pretty good conversationalist. I've lived in a variety of places, and I think I have at least a decent handle on the slang my generation uses. But for the life of me, I had no goddamn idea what this girl was saying.

I asked her to explain what she meant, and thus Seth and Niki's List of Slang was born. We asked almost every customer that came in today (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WANTED A GODDAMN LIP RING) what slang terms they could teach us, in exchange for our services. The list is pretty long.

Like all other goings-on at the shop, Niki knows more of this shit than I do. I'm entirely in the dark, but she's managed to unchain herself from her generational bonds and crawl towards the light that is, in this questionable metaphor, understanding what the hell these gangsta customers be sayin'. Word.

So, without further delay:

Seth and Niki's List of Slang
1. Diesel - (adj.) Excessively large.
Ex: Seth, your muscles are so diesel! I just want to rub my hands all over them!

2. Rinky dinky - (adj.) Cheap, poorly made.
Ex: My coordination is kind of rinky dinky, so I accidentally tattooed "Suck Face" onto your lower back instead of the tribal tramp stamp you originally wanted. Sorry.

3. Plook - (v.) To engage in what I imagine is terribly awkward and mediocre sex.
Ex: I finally worked up the courage to tell the hot redhead next door that I want to plook her aaaaall night. She punched me in the face.

4. Take down - (v.) To engage in what I imagine is only somewhat less awkward but a hell of a lot more violent sex.
Ex: I took back my words and told Hot Redhead Next Door that instead, I'd like to take her down. We proceeded to do so and now she's pregnant. God knows how the fuck
that happened.

5. Mad shook - (adj.) - Very scared. I forgot this one for a while and kept thinking it was "mad skrunk." I kind of like that better.
Ex: He was clearly mad shook because I am so tall and fearsome. As a result, he wrote my term paper for me.




That's all we got fo' now, dawg. Tune in lataz when my IQ drops a couple points and I start talking like that 4 realsies.




Word to your mother,
Seth